Welcome!
Welcome to Life Is Funny.
By Nick Nilsson
January is New Year’s Resolution time. Lose weight, gain weight, quit smoking, start smoking, get rich, spend more time working and less time with their families…you name it, people resolve to do it.
Yet how many people actually succeed with their resolutions?
According to a statistic I just made up, 75% of people fail to keep their New Year’s Resolutions. That number is even higher with weight loss resolutions.
Why, you ask?
Well, here are my Top 20 Excuses Why New Year’s Resolutions to Lose Weight End in Failure…
20. I wasn’t getting enough to eat on ONE diet so I had to go on THREE.
19. Its winter and I need the extra insulation to keep me warm.
18. I went to the gym and somebody was on my machine so I realized everything happens for a reason and it wasn’t meant to be.
17. I went to the gym and there was no lifeguard on duty in case the rowing machine sank. I complained to the manager but they threw me out.
16. Turns out I didn’t really mean it.
15. My other resolution to quit being a cranky jerk all the time wasn’t compatible with my low-carb diet.
14. There was a big game on…Wheel of Fortune is a game, right?
13. My DVR broke so I couldn’t fast-forward past all the food commercials.
12. I figured since rice cakes don’t have many calories, the same was true of other cakes. Like fudge cake. And pancakes. With syrup. And fudge.
11. My personal trainer called and said if I didn’t show up for my session on Friday, don’t bother showing up on Monday. Woohoo! 4 day weekend!
10. No ashtrays on the treadmills at the gym. How do they expect me stay on that thing for an hour without a cigarette break? It’s not like that little TV can keep my mind off how painful and boring it is to hammer away on that thing at 1.2 mph for 60 minutes.
9. Krispy Kreme hasn’t come out with an Olestra-filled donut (that they’ve told us, at least…I have my suspicions).
8. Billy Mays (that bearded infomercial guy) hasn’t come out with a Mighty Putty strong enough to keep my mouth shut at the all-you-can-eat buffet.
7. The economy is in such rough shape, it’s hard to afford the new clothes I’ll have to buy as I get smaller so it’ll have to wait until I get a bailout.
6. I have to buy junk foods “for the kids” even though they don’t really need that stuff either and I don’t actually HAVE any kids or KNOW any kids.
5. I messed up and ate a chip on Day 2 so I gave up until next January’s resolution season.
4. I need to get in better shape before I can join a gym…to get in better shape.
3. I made a resolution to give up drinking so I could lose weight but I did it while I was drunk so I forgot.
2. I don’t want to insult my co-workers by not eating birthday cake at the office every single day, even when I have to bring it myself.
1. I’m waiting for President Obama to lose the weight for me.
Nick Nilsson is Vice-President of BetterU, Inc. and has been inventing new training techniques and exercises for 17+ years. Nick has written many training books including “Muscle Explosion! 28 Days To Maximum Mass” & “Metabolic Surge - Rapid Fat Loss” - http://www.fitness-ebooks.com
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Here are some of the many things to consider before hiring a comedian, or any form of entertainment, for your next corporate event:
Who is in the Audience?
Your co-workers and employees are the reason that you are throwing your corporate event, without them you wouldn’t be having anything to celebrate - you most likely wouldn’t have a business at all, so it’s crucial that you examine your audience as a whole and make sure that nothing in the hired artist’s performance will offend anyone sitting in the audience.
Some basics to stay away from are: profanity, religion, race and sex. All of these can be very touchy topics that shouldn’t be brought up in the workplace, so they shouldn’t be brought up in an event help for the people in the workplace either. You can’t, and shouldn’t, know everything about all of your employees private lives - any one of these topics focused on in any manner could create a really uncomfortable situation for one or several of your valued employees. It’s safe to assume that if a topic shouldn’t be addressed at the workplace, than it shouldn’t be addressed by the entertainment at a corporate event either.
The Track Record of the Performer
Just as you don’t want to hire a comedian that will touch on subjects that could offend some of your employees, you also don’t want to hire a comedian with no experience in this type of atmosphere. Working the stage at a corporate event and working the stage at an open microphone night at a seedy bar are two completely different things - that’s not to say that a comedian who performs at clubs and bars can’t successfully perform at a corporate event, but you want someone with proof of success in these types of events.
The comedian you are considering should be able to provide any number of references of parties and events that they have performed at. It won’t take you more than a few minutes to check some of those corporate references to see exactly how the comedian that you are considering performed. A good reference from another or several other, corporate events will give you a good idea whether the comedian you are considering can perform well in the event that you are holding.
You want your corporate event to be a smashing success, something that all of your employees truly enjoy and will talk about favorably for the foreseeable future. You want everyone to laugh and have a good time without any chance of anyone feeling uncomfortable or being offended. The way to ensure this is to do your research and hire a comedian who is funny and clean and who has a good track record with several other corporate event performances under his or her belt.
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Peter then shoots another question. Whats a dictatorship? he asks. John says, Government takes your two hens and drafts you in the military to be sitting ducks to the enemy! Laughter again from both political jokes. Now, how about American democracy? Peter asks. John answers, Government makes other countries raise two hens, gets all the eggs for Americans, and then pats the heads of the good allies who raised the eggs.
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The USB port is attached to a Personal computer for the reason. One then has to make use of headphones to listen to music and melodies. The monitor of the gadget is used for the reason of observing videos, playing games and noticing photographs.
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